Dear readers of my blog,
it has been quite a while. I’m sorry about that, once again. I’m no longer going to make promises about when I’ll be posting again, because university is currently taking up all of my time. Writing my Bachelor-thesis is way harder and takes up more time than I expected.
Today, the 30th of April, is my biggest inspiration in life’s birthday. Because I could never find the courage to tell James McVey in person what he has meant to me – and still means to me – over the past years, I thought I’d grab this opportunity with both hands to write it down. I’ve always been better in writing than speech, and this is something that I want to express and share with everyone who’d like to read it.
I first discovered James through his band The Vamps in March 2014. From the moment I first saw one of their videos, James had always been the one that stood out. In the beginning for the obvious reasons, there is no doubt that he is a good looking man. But from the moment I started looking into him – I was sixteen at the time, so still in my die hard fangirl fase – I realised he was so much more than that. I’m aware that I now sound like an infatuated teenager that thinks she could ever have a chance with him, but I promise, I’m not. I’m twenty now and James has been my biggest inspiration for the past four years and will very likely continue to be for the rest of my life.
Back at that time, when I first discovered him, I was going through a rough patch. I had switched schools the year before, but things weren’t exactly going as smoothly as I expected. I didn’t have friends at school and people were mostly ignoring me. I had to sit alone in class most of the time. Music was the only thing that kept my mind of school, twitter was the only place where I felt safe and where I met a few of my best friends. Looking into James’ personality made me realise that I wasn’t the only one. You hear about bullying and ignoring all the time, but you only start believing it’s not just you when you hear it from someone you look up to. I was sixteen and easily influenced by famous people.
I soon found out that James not only shared a similar history as mine, maybe even worse, but that he also stands up for what he believes in. He’s not afraid to express his opinion on matters of public interest. He’s an ambassador for AntiBullyingPro, a British organisation against bullying, and often speaks about mental health too. The stories he tells and motivational talks he does kept me going. I looked up to him for what he did and I still do. I hope I will once become a great person like he is, someone others can look up to.
About a year after I discovered him, I started struggling with suicidal thoughts. The ignoring at school continued and I continuously worried if the world wouldn’t be better off without me. It luckily never got to the point where I actually started planning and trying to commit suicide, but those thoughts were constantly on my mind. Part of my luck was that school only continued for another couple of months and then I would have the longest summer of my life before going to university. But the major part of my luck were James and his band (and music in general). I continued to watch videos where he would talk about mental health and every other thing he believed in. I kept in mind that if he could survive something like that, I could do to. He was chasing his dreams and I learned to believe that everything was possible as long as you work hard for it. So I continued and never gave up on my dreams. One of them being meeting the people that made my life a little easier. And I did. I’ve met The Vamps four times so far and am forever grateful for every single opportunity I get. Striving to my goals kept me going and still does up until today. Something that I learned from James.
Three years later I’m in university, studying something I absolutely love and have a great bunch of friends that I met there, but also still friends that I made because of The Vamps. There is one girl that is my partner in crime when it comes to this band. Up until today we’ve travelled abroad two times to see them on their arena tour and done three concerts together here in Belgium. And I will continue to do that for as long as I can. I love being able to see my favourite band perform and see the person that saved my life and inspires me to be a better person every day.
I hope one day that I can safely say that I have become the person that I aspire to be right now. Please don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to be an exact copy of James. That would be very creepy. I realise that I probably sound like either a crazy fangirl with no life, or a stalker, but I promise you I’m not. I aspire to be like him in a way that I hope that one day I will no longer be afraid to stand up for what I believe in, speak my mind and be a person that other people look up to. I want to be the best person that I can be.
I know this is a very long shot, and that James will never read this, but I could try. I simply felt like I had to share how much he means to me, partly also to show that finding someone to look up to, can actually save your life. I hope one day I will find the courage to tell James in person what he has meant to me and what he still means to me every day, and that I will continue to look up to him. But I know that will very likely never happen, because I am incredibly awkward and would probably choke on my words. That’s why I wrote it down.
If you ever happen to read this, James, thank you for being who you are. Thank you for continuously inspiring me and so many others and thank you for saving me. You truly are an amazing person and I will continue to support you on your journey. Happy birthday ♥
Lots of love,